Since leaving Vietnam (not for the first time, but this time being the biggest step out of my comfort zone) and building my new life in Canada, I have to learn how to integrate and adopt a new culture, I’ve often reflected on my personality from different angles, including my upbringing, nature, and nurture.
This self-reflection has helped me understand myself better, exploring different patterns, both positive and negative.
One thing I take pride in is my ability to self-coach. Self-coaching involves having conversations with yourself to investigate your psyche, limiting beliefs, and inner wisdom to determine what is right for you.
My natural curiosity drives me to seek answers from various sources, especially books. I don’t rely solely on what I learned in school but instead, continue my self-taught process by constantly asking “why?”
Why is my favorite type of question, which interestingly, I don’t see that very often in my conversations with others. (maybe they ask Why secretly?)
Through this process, I’ve noticed a pattern: I tend to use my personality as a reason or excuse to justify what I like or dislike. (it’s worth nothing: there is nothing wrong with that, and I am not judging myself for that. You shouldn’t either).
For instance, here is my inner dialogue:
-I am an introvert, I won’t do sales work. Its not for me
-I know nobody here, I won’t be able to grow my business
-Women have to face so many challenges in the workplace, so many prejudices, I’d rather accept it and don’t bother.
-I am not a native speaker, people will judge my English
I’ve come to realize that identifying too much with my personality holds me back and reinforces fear and anxiety. It’s like using my personality against myself.
This realization led to a big revelation and my new mantra:
My past is a part of me, but it’s not the whole me.
I have the ability to grow and change my personality, which is not set in stone.
If I focus too much on my identity, I won’t grow. Growth comes from doing things scared and learning from trial and error.
Now that we’ve established how identifying too much with our own personality can hold us back, let’s dive a little deeper into this topic. Have you ever found yourself using your identity as an excuse for not doing something or for not being able to do something?
Perhaps you’ve said something like, “I’m not good at public speaking because I’m an introvert,” or “I can’t be a leader because I’m not confident enough.” These statements may feel true to you, but they are also limiting beliefs that stem from your attachment to your identity.
It’s important to recognize that your identity is just one aspect of who you are, and it doesn’t have to define you completely. When you attach too much to your identity, you limit your own potential for growth and change.
Think about it: if you constantly reinforce the idea that you are an introvert who can’t speak in public, you may never give yourself the chance to practice public speaking and improve. You may never step out of your comfort zone and take risks, which could ultimately hold you back in your personal and professional life.
It’s not just in the context of skills and abilities that our attachment to our identity can hold us back. It can also limit our interactions with others and our understanding of the world. If you identify too much with your nationality, for example, you may only see the world from that narrow perspective and miss out on the richness and diversity of other cultures.
So, how do we break free from our attachment to our identity? One approach is to practice mindfulness and self-awareness. By regularly reflecting on your thoughts and beliefs, you can begin to identify patterns and recognize when you are using your identity as a crutch. You can also challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone and try new things, even if they feel scary at first.
Another approach is to cultivate a growth mindset, which is the belief that your abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work and dedication. By adopting a growth mindset, you can start to see challenges as opportunities for growth and view failures as learning experiences rather than personal shortcomings.
Breaking free from our attachment to our identity takes time and effort, but it’s an important step towards personal growth and self-improvement. By recognizing the limitations of our identity and taking steps to expand our perspectives, we can become more adaptable, resilient, and fulfilled individuals.
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