Yesterday I woke up and was feeling a wave of fatigue and anxiety. Suddenly I felt empty and bored with everything.
I didn’t really want to do anything, I wished I could just lay down and do nothing. Grabbing the phone I texted my friend…
Even though I told him I don’t know why I was feeling that way, deep inside I know my mind was exploding from too much worry.
The past two years could be considered one long race with chronic worry and anxiety. I just managed to achieve one big milestone in my big plan and shortly after that, other problems come up.
Yesterday I still worked on my project and managed to get my study done, but I took it a bit slower and reflect on my inner world.
All of a sudden I realized, if I wouldn’t have the worry I am having now, I would be very content with my life now.
Does that sound funny? No, it doesn’t to me.
I haven’t felt that content for a long long while. I could be content to some certain extent, but not that content.
But the second realization is also more revealing…
Would I ever be without worry?
Would I ever live with utter peace and having nothing to worry about?

Life has its ways to throw us more problems.
More often than not, most of our problems can be categorized into Health, Family, Money, Career. That’s life. Can we really expect to live without problems?
Buddha had soon realized the impermanence of life and quitted his Royal Life to seek the truth. The truth of escaping the suffering.
I realize that if I didn’t give myself the permission to be happy, content now. I will never be. My monkey mind will always find new problems (read: new branches) to jump to.
I look at my son, happily playing his game, and question myself, why can’t I just enjoy the moment like him. Is being an adult with too much responsibility a good excuse?
Have you ever drown in endless problems, your kids are not behaving, your spouse is no longer like the way he/she was, your job is no longer secured, your parent’s health is deteriorating …
Life is so short and guarantees to change, no matter how we will otherwise.
Ask yourself, if today I don’t have to worry about anything, what would I do? How would I feel?
Close your eyes, and transport yourself to that state of mind. Do it now.
Because you can. You have the permission to live in the now. To be happy now instead of waiting for something to happen..
You just forget.
With love

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